From Striving to Shalom - Sabbatical Month 2024

It's nice to know that i can get back in here in different seasons of contemplation as i experience the depth of God's heart through painful seasons of discipline and pruning. Always thankful to have a Heavenly Father who deeply cares for me and my overall well-being in all seasons of my life.

As pretty humbling yet relieving as it sounds, i felt forced into a sabbatical month because of overcommitments in my mind and heart. Commitments that have started to weigh heavier than my own personal relationship with God. Ministry has taken first place in my heart, as cliche as that sounds for people who serve the Lord in full-time ministry. Just a little context, after serving as a full-time worker in church, i found myself doing full-time volunteer work for 9 months. Taking leadership roles in three different ministries made me stumble into the pitfall of micro-managing, overthinking, insomnia and anxiety. My over-functioning was a masquerade of plans, desires and fears coming together. I was doing for God more than i was being with Him. I forgot how to partner with grace and how to take a real rest. I was losing my joy in ministry.

Being in ministry for 8 years, this verse always finds its way back to my spirit through tough times like these:

Matthew 11:28-30 The Message (MSG)

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Seasons of burn-out are humbling seasons. It's in those times when my gaze is transfixed from the work of my hands, image and performance to the face of the Father of lights. Seasons of burn-out remind me to cultivate the oil of intimacy in my secret place otherwise the fire that will burn will be from the stench of my flesh and its efforts towards "good works." Pure joy is replaced by temporary emotional highs from the rewards of successful ministry events. When grace isn't my partner, then the limitations of my own strengths are. And if it will be so easy to not see myself as enough in what i do, then it will be easy to be critical of other's mishaps and lack of excellence in my sight. Perfectionism starts to kick in instead of excellence. It becomes an unhealthy cycle of compromise which starts in my heart. This is not the type of serving that God has called His children to,

July 2024 has been a time i felt most human in a while since full-time work. With a lot of tasks being thrown at me as a full time church worker, i realized how i have carried that with me in volunteer work. I realized how it takes time for the soul to detox from the wrong perspective of work and ministry. Learning the rhythm of grace while serving God is a process. Though i appreciate the skills i have acquired to facilitate ministry work, i am still learning my frame and how to partner with God according to the grace He has given me.

July was the month i decided to let go and let God. I took a break from a ministry inside church, i stepped down from Badminton ministry as part of the core team, and delegated my discipleship groups to my D12 leaders.

When i let the ground of ministry (my heart and mind) rest, i saw the Lord do amazing things. I stepped back and watched as the ministries are still functioning without me. New leaders and delegated volunteers stepped up to take their place. They are learning and growing in tasks without my help and supervision. I can finally enjoy the grounds i worked hard on because the body is functioning accordingly and taking their place.

As a pioneer who helps start the fire in building new ministries, one thing that i must remember to guard the most is my fire for the Lord. One is truly a leader when one leads people where one has gone themselves. But in terrains that are unfamiliar, knowing ones identity in Christ is to the utmost importance. It's in knowing ones identity that helps navigate a difficult path towards pioneering. And if that is lost along the way then so is the vision, direction and spiritual compass.

I'm just thankful for the body of Christ that pioneering is not done alone and i work with a team to keep the ministry going in my recovery and sabbatical rest, This is the beauty of unity and partnership. We have each other's back and we learn and grow together.

I feel a new season birthing ahead of me after this sabbatical month. However it may look and whatever sphere of influence the Lord is calling me in, i know that i have gained wisdom from the experience of the past seasons. If this brokenness was to teach me humility and grace, then humility and grace is what i want to build upon from here on.

From sickness to surrender

From burnout to breakthrough

From performance to grace

How sobering it is to see that in order to bear fruit, one must learn to die first and stay dead so that the resurrection life of Jesus Christ will take over.

The Christian life is not easy and it truly is impossible without the Holy Spirit's help.

I don't mind having to pause and contemplate to allow circumstances to test if what i am building upon is strong and firm. If i am not building right, i am not afraid to be corrected or to be wrong. As long as i know that i have a Heavenly Father who helps me build well. Whatever venture He will call me to build next, i am confident that i will take these learning curves with me so i will have the wisdom to avoid these bumps in the future.

August will be a time that i return to ministry after my break. But this time it will look different. Laying low where i am called to lay low, empowering where i am called to empower, and just working in the portion of the fields that i am given mandate and assignment to work on, honoring my personal boundaries, taking care of my health, and prioritizing first things first so that the fruit in my life is joy and peace in ministry work.

To wrap up this months process through this blog post, i will borrow the words and prayer of King David who went through a lot of emotional highs and lows yet was still called a man after God's own heart as he left a true legacy of what grace under weakness looks like: May the words of my mouth, the meditations of my heart and if i may add, the work of my hands be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. (Psalm 19:14)

Until the next update.

In Christ,

Christy