All Things New - My 2022 Journey so far

September 10, 2022, Saturday

Hello everyone.

Who would have thought what "All Things New" would mean to me by September 8, 2022. My last update on this blog was on April 13, 2019. So much for the overflow I intended to use this blog for while I was in full time ministry. Now it's been more than 3 years since. We all know that a lot has happened in the last few years in between. But let's just say that I got busy and had other priorities. And so here we are 3 years later: I'm no longer a full-time missionary in the house of prayer ministry. And I actually am not serving in ministry in this period of time in my life. I'm actually on what ministers call a "sabbatical" or a ministry break for the year 2022. And this is why I am able to write to you all. Because something awfully painful has happened. And I felt like sharing it to the few of the audience here who will happen to actually stumble upon this blog, with the hope that this will shed more clarity in my circumstances that would eventually lead to a deeper grace for acceptance.

What I'm about to share to you is not yet a public knowledge. And only a few know. But I'm gonna share it here anyway just because I want to express my current testimony in words that can only be narrated as one 'going through the fire.'

On March 20, 2022, one important step toward my dream of marriage turned into a reality. I got engaged to my best friend.

But prior to this, the story for how this year started for me is that God has impressed that I go into a year long sabbatical after being active in missions and serving in ministry for 6 consecutive years. This is my seventh year. And the verse He impressed on me was in Leviticus 25:1-7:

25 The Lord spoke to Moses on Mount Sinai, saying: 2 Speak to the people of Israel and say to them: When you enter the land that I am giving you, the land shall observe a sabbath for the Lord. 3 Six years you shall sow your field, and six years you shall prune your vineyard, and gather in their yield; 4 but in the seventh year there shall be a sabbath of complete rest for the land, a sabbath for the Lord: you shall not sow your field or prune your vineyard. 5 You shall not reap the aftergrowth of your harvest or gather the grapes of your unpruned vine: it shall be a year of complete rest for the land. 6 You may eat what the land yields during its sabbath—you, your male and female slaves, your hired and your bound laborers who live with you; 7 for your livestock also, and for the wild animals in your land all its yield shall be for food.

This impressed in me as a much needed command to obedience that entailed I rest from ministry work to be able to serve the Lord better from a place of rest. I actually didn't know what to expect because I've never been through a sabbatical year before. And I certainly told myself to just take my convictions and obedience one step at a time.

So far my sabbatical entailed that I:

• cease from leadership positions in the church

• cease from discipleship or mentoring in the church

• that I be intentional in practicing my weekly sabbath day ( spending time delighting in the Lord )

• that i enjoy the fruit of my labor in the form of ministries, local churches, meeting with the current house church we pioneered and led, and in the form of fruitful relationships built within my 6 year time in ministry.

What I did not expect along the way is that I:

• would get engaged by March 20, 2022

• would plan a wedding for December 8, 2022

• along the way, would plan an intimate wedding for September 22, 2022

• would plan two honeymoons for both weddings

• would pay a downpayment for a house and get a mortgage

• would see my uncle whom i lived with for years die of a diabetes infection in our house by July 13, just days before my sister arrives from the US

• would start buying furniture and planning on renovations for our future house

• only to start September 1 breaking up with with my fiance and best friend of 18 months

• followed by a painfully difficult week of wrestling to make the relationship work

• leading to a broken off engagement and seeing the end of a romantic relationship we worked so hard to build by September 8, 2022

The Lord knew that I would need this time to mature and grow. Even if that meant going from joy, to pain and suffering, then towards a new hope. All things new, indeed.

This year, I have grieved the loss of my uncle, I have grieved my family relationships, I grieved the pain of estranged relationships, I have grieved separation from my engaged status and failed romantic relationship, the loss of comfort that comes from always having someone by my side, as well as finding myself grieve the self that once knew her purpose in ministry.

In the beginning of this year, I felt like life was finally picking up. That I have finally moved two steps forward towards my dream only to find that in my 5 years of waiting as a single, I have fallen short in love and moved three steps back to the status I once had. And as a woman generally longs to feel wanted and loved, I have felt the pain (or the sting of the lies) of not being worth the preparation and worth the price of the pain for a man's growth.

It's not me. It's not him. We're just not the right people yet, and it's most definitely the wrong time.

So I decided not to settle for second best in him, and even in myself.

What a wild ride it's been, 2022. But this year is not over yet. And in all this, acceptance is the key that keeps me pressing on my gas pedal as I continue moving forward on this road to love and healing.

Every new beginning must first start with the self. I need to love myself first.

More as I feel inspired to write,

Christy